A Wake Up Call From a Dear One

"Ya terang aja kamu bilang kamu gak se-fine itu.... wong kamu jarang liat diri sendiri."

Errr... Am I?

Well.. What's New?

i wish i'd see a field below
i wish i'd hear a rooster crow
but there are none who live downtown
and so the day starts out so slow
again the call was never made
and darkness spreads over the snow
like ancient bruises
i'm awake and feel the ache
but i wish i'd see a field below...

i wish i'd see your face below
i wish i'd hear you whispering low
but you don't live downtown no more
and everything must come and go
again the sun was never called
and darkness spreads over the snow
like ancient bruises
i'm awake and feel the ache...
but i wish i'd see a field below...*

"Hmm. actually. In your case, you've been there and still there.
So, what's new? We can tell you no more.
For God's sake! Ain't it enough?"
- Blümchen. June 22, 2008. 11.00 pm -

* Field Below - Regina Spektor

Oh, Dear... What Can I Say?

1. One fine evening after work.

him : i'm at the lobby. hurry up.

me : okay. give me 5 minutes.

A FEW moment later.. *hehe.. I pressumed.*

me : hello..... *with the widest smile ever*

*he was looking at his watch*

him : yea.. 5 minutes.

me : err... hehe.. is it that long? *big grinned*

*he looked at me & raised his half eye-brow*

The day after, we've got conversation through chat room.

him : need me to pick you up?

me : u sure? i don't want you to wait in anger again.

him : yeaa.. it's okay, just make sure that 5 minutes = 5 x 60 seconds!

me : hehehe. okay. *finger-crossed*

2. On a chat room with one of my besty

her : i don't like you anymore since you started working at ******.
me : why?
her : i don't see you, i don't get calls from you, you're too busy
me : yes, that's true, sorry.. i wouldn't like me either. i hate the hours, but i enjoy my job.
her : you mean, you enjoy the paycheck? ;)
me : not that.. but it's just been a busy season..

3. On a different occassion, a friend sent me an sms..

from: +6281385691***
hey, i'm in town! let's meet up friday night, 6 pm @ senayan city.

from: me
hey, long time no see! should definitely.. confirm me a day b4, kay?

(Thursday nite, around 10 pm..)

from: +6281385691***
tomorrow's still on, right? i've contacted several people, who did you get to contact?

from: me
yes. i'll come, but i may run late. i just got out of the office now, so i don't know when i can leave the office 2mrrw. i haven't talked to anyone. whoever u invited should be ok.

(Friday nite, 7 pm..)

from: +6281385691***
r u coming?

from: me
just a 'lil bit. i haven't finished at the office yet. will try to get there asap.

(Friday nite, 8 pm..)

from: +6281385691***
where are u?

from: me
i'll be leaving the office soon. u guys are still there right?

(Friday nite, around 9 pm..)

I arrived (late! at an-almost-closing-time late..!!), looking terribly exhausted, yet still managed to meet & greet my old friends who kept telling me i should be getting some rest. To make matter worse, i was out of it the whole night, cuz my mind was somewhere else: Yep, in my room, in bed... Sleeping.. Zzzzzzz.

***

Owrghhh... Sorry ya, kawans... :(

But... U know what, my dad said,

"WHEN YOU DO MORE THAN YOU'RE PAID TO DO, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE PAID MORE FOR WHAT YOU DO." :)

so why don't you, my fellow young friends?

Until then, I'll always get off my lazy ass! ;P

Simply Complicated

you can't choose who to love.
you can't choose when to love.
you can't choose how to love.
you can't choose love.
if we can, believe me..
i was a smart girl, but voila!
i'm going dumber *or even dumberer!* until i fell in love with this guy... :p

it just comes to you when you least expected *ehm... even if you didn't want to!*.

it comes to you when the mood is right, the aura is right, and the chemistry is right.

you can't choose love.
but..
why does it still hurt?
why does it make you do crazy things?
why does it make you think irrationally?
why is it difficult to accept it?
why love complicates things sometimes.. while it simplifies others?

I'm trying to fall in love again.
when i find those knots in my stomach.
when i want to be with that other person every single time i have.
when i crave to let him being the first person i saw in the morning.
when having him hug me tight is the best moment of the day, yet.. telling him how i feel would complicate things...

it's like.. the best feeling in the world but it's the worst feeling when still wondering how he feels.
*when we have a BIG question mark : is it that much? orr... being a paranoid android girl just figured out that he didn't feel the same feeling towards us..*

simply, it's just complicated.

i'm not an expert in the love subject ..
and i know i still have a LOT to learn *and still need people slap my face over & over again*

but i know one thing...

you should say love with all your heart, not because it was the right thing to do.

i'm not a romantic, and i don't like having a guy to say those three little words to me everyday ...
cuz when he says it once in a while *and at the right moment* that's when it means the most.

so do i, when i'm not feeling it, i better go with the 'i miss you's... :p

cuz it will always be right there.. everytime the mood is right, the aura is right and the chemistry is right..
and it's best when u didn't try very hard to make everything's right.

ok, that's it!
said & done!
i better publish this crappy writing before i change my mind to delete it.
:p

Which Fish In a Pond?

Which one would you rather be..

a small fish in a big pond?

or a big fish in a small pond?

Since the beginning of my career, this question has been haunting me.

I keep thinking of which "fish" would i be?

My dilemma was that i would rather be a small fish in a big pond but i want to be a noticed small fish. cuz swimming among other small fish in a big pond means you have to stand up to be noticed and you have to be very competitive in order to do that.

I know i am a competitive person, but at the same time.. being a small fish in a big pond is a hard work.

Being a big fish in a small pond, however, means you're already make a significant impact in your pond.

However, your pond is too small to understand that your accomplishment may not be a big deal once you swim in a big pond. Been there, done that!

It is a dilemma, alright.

But i think it's better to be a small fish in a big pond.

Cuz after a while.. You'll grow and become big.

And the big pond may not look so big to you anymore.

But in order to get there.. it takes time and energy to survive.

And that is life, my friend.

something to think about... *sigh*

I Pray. I Do.

But...
Isn't it strange that I can't find a word to say when I was praying,
but I have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

Currently, Irene Aninditta..

• is under the spell of something and she thinks she's craaazzzzyyyyyyy!


• hates to see others sad.


• also hates to see herself sad!


• believes that the best way to cheer herself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. But..


• 's bestfriends said it's not the best way, it's like pain in the ass because she couldn't brighten her own day.


• prefers funny, goofy & silly creatures instead of perfect established corporate creatures.


• 's bestfriends think the statement before this, is insane.


• is okay with those 'not-okay's


• loves the 'not-okay's with all the little pieces, good or bad.


• wants to get home really really slow when the situation isn't okay.


• knows that it isn't thattttttttt much okay!


• scares shit to let the time finish the 'not-okay's